Expect to know that you're being listened to, and to find that you are heard and respected. Expect that you can say anything without being judged.
Expect that we will work together to help you find a safe space where you can explore what you want for yourself, and where you can talk about what you need to.
Expect that at the end of a session you may feel tired. You might feel like something has been lifted from you, or you may leave feeling heavy. Expect me to respect your choice if you choose not to talk about something. Expect some things to be easier than you thought to address, and some things to be more challenging than you expected.
Expect that some things will get better. Expect to learn that other things may remain uncertain. And expect that there will be a time in therapy when this quotation from Nanny McPhee rings true:
'When you need me, but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me, but do not need me, then I must go.'
'Must' isn't a word I tend to use, but more than a few of the people I have worked with have recognised that when the balance shifts in wanting/needing to come to me for therapy, then you may be ready to finish.
Some thoughts about the cost:
1. The cost of therapy is emotional as well as financial - the reasons that have brought you to therapy may not be your fault, and that can make it hard to be the one that is paying for it. So investing in the work can be a hard decision, but you're the one who will reap the benefits. Carolyn Spring wrote a book aptly named, 'Recovery is my best revenge'.
2. If someone else is covering the financial cost of therapy for you, it will still be you who will be investing the time and emotional energy in the sessions. And it's you I'm accountable to, because it's your therapy and I'm working for you.
How many sessions? Weeks? Months? Years?
You might come with a clear idea of what you want, or you might not know at all. We will make an initial plan together, which we can review regularly. Some people like to have a number of sessions in mind, others like to work in an open-ended way. I'm flexible to discover what will work for you.
Are there any rules?
You are free to say what you want and need to. You don't have to be polite, or speak in standard English, or avoid swearing. However you express yourself is welcome. If you want to cry, you can, and if you don't want or need to, that's also fine. You can be silent if you need to. Different parts of you are welcome - it's ok to be complicated, or inconsistent.
Sessions are confidential: I will not discuss what has happened in your therapy session with anyone else, unless there is significant risk, and I would never pass on any information without discussing it with you first. For example, if someone who had previously sexually abused you was currently in a position of responsibility working with children, or if you were actively suicidal, we would discuss together who was the best person to share this information with, and how we would do it.
My clinical supervisor will not know who you are. Every counsellor or psychotherapist is professionally bound to have regular clinical supervision. I meet with my clinical supervisor monthly for 2 hours, and they supervise my entire caseload. I discuss some of my cases with them each month, and I use first names only, minimising identifying information.
Therapy sessions last for 50 minutes, and end on time. So if you're not able to start the session on time, eg you arrive at 2:05 when we were supposed to be starting at 2:00, we would still finish at 2.50. Or if you logged on for an online session at 2.39, you could still have the full 11 minutes left of the session time.
We leave the room as we found it. If you're having therapy in person, then it's fine to move small pieces of furniture, turn the dolls' house upside down, get out all the plastic figures and animals, or lie on the floor under a blanket. Then we make sure that at the end there's enough time to get it back before we finish. There's an imperfect metaphor in that - you might 'get out' a lot of difficult material from your experiences or emotions, and at the end of the session we will aim to allow enough time for you to be in a place where you feel ok to go back out into the world.
The resources are there for you to use, or not, as you wish: There's a sofa and two comfortable chairs. You don't have to sit on a chair if you don't want to, and you can move around. There is a dolls' house (definitely not restricted to use by children or females), sand, plastic animals and figures, a large cuddly horse, lego, playdough, art materials, postcards, puppets, soft toys, anatomically correct dolls, cars, books, buttons and therapeutic Jenga.
Working online
VSee is a free healthcare secure videolink service. You will need headphones, a good private internet connection, and a private place to have your session where you will not be overheard or disturbed. The larger your screen the better you will be able to see me: VSee is available for phones, tablets and PCs - I will be using a laptop and will be able to see you clearly.
Expect to know that you're being listened to, and to find that you are heard and respected. Expect that you can say anything without being judged.
Expect that we will work together to help you find a safe space where you can explore what you want for yourself, and where you can talk about what you need to.
Expect that at the end of a session you may feel tired. You might feel like something has been lifted from you, or you may leave feeling heavy. Expect me to respect your choice if you choose not to talk about something. Expect some things to be easier than you thought to address, and some things to be more challenging than you expected.
Expect that some things will get better. Expect to learn that other things may remain uncertain. And expect that there will be a time in therapy when this quotation from Nanny McPhee rings true:
'When you need me, but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me, but do not need me, then I must go.'
'Must' isn't a word I tend to use, but more than a few of the people I have worked with have recognised that when the balance shifts in wanting/needing to come to me for therapy, then you may be ready to finish.
Some thoughts about the cost:
1. The cost of therapy is emotional as well as financial - the reasons that have brought you to therapy may not be your fault, and that can make it hard to be the one that is paying for it. So investing in the work can be a hard decision, but you're the one who will reap the benefits. Carolyn Spring wrote a book aptly named, 'Recovery is my best revenge'.
2. If someone else is covering the financial cost of therapy for you, it will still be you who will be investing the time and emotional energy in the sessions. And it's you I'm accountable to, because it's your therapy and I'm working for you.
How many sessions? Weeks? Months? Years?
You might come with a clear idea of what you want, or you might not know at all. We will make an initial plan together, which we can review regularly. Some people like to have a number of sessions in mind, others like to work in an open-ended way. I'm flexible to discover what will work for you.
Are there any rules?
You are free to say what you want and need to. You don't have to be polite, or speak in standard English, or avoid swearing. However you express yourself is welcome. If you want to cry, you can, and if you don't want or need to, that's also fine. You can be silent if you need to. Different parts of you are welcome - it's ok to be complicated, or inconsistent.
Sessions are confidential: I will not discuss what has happened in your therapy session with anyone else, unless there is significant risk, and I would never pass on any information without discussing it with you first. For example, if someone who had previously sexually abused you was currently in a position of responsibility working with children, or if you were actively suicidal, we would discuss together who was the best person to share this information with, and how we would do it.
My clinical supervisor will not know who you are. Every counsellor or psychotherapist is professionally bound to have regular clinical supervision. I meet with my clinical supervisor monthly for 2 hours, and they supervise my entire caseload. I discuss some of my cases with them each month, and I use first names only, minimising identifying information.
Therapy sessions last for 50 minutes, and end on time. So if you're not able to start the session on time, eg you arrive at 2:05 when we were supposed to be starting at 2:00, we would still finish at 2.50. Or if you logged on for an online session at 2.39, you could still have the full 11 minutes left of the session time.
We leave the room as we found it. If you're having therapy in person, then it's fine to move small pieces of furniture, turn the dolls' house upside down, get out all the plastic figures and animals, or lie on the floor under a blanket. Then we make sure that at the end there's enough time to get it back before we finish. There's an imperfect metaphor in that - you might 'get out' a lot of difficult material from your experiences or emotions, and at the end of the session we will aim to allow enough time for you to be in a place where you feel ok to go back out into the world.
The resources are there for you to use, or not, as you wish: There's a sofa and two comfortable chairs. You don't have to sit on a chair if you don't want to, and you can move around. There is a dolls' house (definitely not restricted to use by children or females), sand, plastic animals and figures, a large cuddly horse, lego, playdough, art materials, postcards, puppets, soft toys, anatomically correct dolls, cars, books, buttons and therapeutic Jenga.
Working online
VSee is a free healthcare secure videolink service. You will need headphones, a good private internet connection, and a private place to have your session where you will not be overheard or disturbed. The larger your screen the better you will be able to see me: VSee is available for phones, tablets and PCs - I will be using a laptop and will be able to see you clearly.